Depression??

my partners depressed and has stayed in bed for about a week now, he refuses to talk to me about anything and when i try to talk to him about it he yells and throws things about, im getting seriously stressed because he's currently off work sick, his pay is getting stopped and we aren't entitled to any benefit so i have to try and get everything organised finacially for him as well as looking after my child and home, all the while he is upstairs getting even more unstable i just don't know what to do anymore? i also suffer from depression/anxiety have done for many years now and this situation isn't helping, how can i get him to listen and get help?

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Answers: I agree with Simon, there have been some bad answers so far, calling your partner names isn't going to help either of you.

I'll try and give you some practical advice -

The best thing to do would be getting him to see his GP, offer to go with him if he thinks it will help, but only go into the appointment if he is happy for you to. He may want to talk about things that he feels will upset you, but having support to get him there and back home again might encourage him to take the first step to getting himself some help.

I assume that he has already seen a GP with you saying that he is off sick and now not entitled to sick pay. Maybe he hasn't explained how bad his depression is and needs to do this so that his GP can assess what the best kind of treatment will be.

I would suggest going to your local Citizens Advice Bureau and asking them to do a benefits check for you.

http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/index/g...

Statutory Sick Pay (SSP) should be due to your partner even if his pay is being stopped. Is it that his company pay full wages for so long, then half pay, and then none at all - I've been in that situation myself.

They will be able to advise you on what to do and what you are legally entitled to. It will help if you can take recent payslips for both of you, details of any payments you make each month and also any debts you may have. They can look into everything for you.

I work for a local Mind association and we are also able to offer benefits advice, so you could see if there is a local one near you:

http://www.mind.org.uk/Mind+in+your+area...

as well as helping with benefits they will also be able to offer help and support to both you and your partner.

You don't have to be referred by anyone, all you need to do is make a phone call.

The people are friendly and have lots of knowledge and they won't judge either of you. Your partner may find it helpful if he has a place to go where he can feel safe but is out of the house. For you they will be able to offer support as a person suffering from your own mental health problems, but they may also have a Carers Group that can help you through while you are looking after your partner.

These links are to the Mind website.

How to cope as a carer:
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Bookl...

Understanding depression:
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Bookl...

Understanding anxiety:
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Bookl...

Benefits for people with mental health problems:
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Facts...

All the information is easy to read and understand. Please have a look, I'm sure it will give you some excellent practical advice.

Hope this helps.

Take care of yourself as you can only help your partner if you are well.

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See if he will read this web page.

http://www.geocities.com/the_inner_searc...

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There are many groups that will help you learn how to talk to him about it. Have you tried phoning the Samaritans. they are a good listener and often give you more options than anyone can on here. You could speak to your doctor and suggest he goes (but don't push it until you have been given advice)

Because you have also suffered from it, you could be one of the best people for him to talk to about how he feels but one of the hardest steps for someone suffering is admitting they have a problem.

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There are some idiots answering this - ignore them.

The fact that he is in bed all the time is quite worrying, he need professional help.

I assume you are in the UK.

There is no easy way arround this, you need to get him to a doctor or get a doctor out to him. If he is certified as ill you are entitled to some benefits.

I know how difficult this situation is and you suffering from depression too can not help.

I would advise that you make an appointment to see your GP alone first and explain the severity of the situation and follow his advice. You may even need to have your partner admitted to hospital under section.

Good luck.

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Hi,
This sounds like a really delicate situation. If he refuses to listen to you then what I suggest is to write down all of your feelings in a letter and give it to him and then go off to work or out and let him take some time to digest everything. If he is still unresponsive, then I can only suggest giving him some sort of ultimatum :/

Feel free to email/IM me if you want.
All the best,
AJ

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If he can't or won't seek medical attention, there is little that you can do.

Sorry. I do appreciate that the stress may push you into trouble too.

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This is a really delicate situation you got there. I rad all the comments untill now.. and I think som solutions were said. Getting a family member involved who should talk with him is an options I wasn`t thinking about.
Try convincing him to go on a therapy and rmind him to do it for your child`s sake. I`m sure he/she is suffering from this situation alot, maybe even most. I`m no psichiatrist, but I think simply confronting him with the situation: that wihout him going to work a.s.o, your family won`t be able to afford living, won`t help on his situation at all. Instead, let proffesionals handle it, because I raelly really think that you need them.
I`m concerned about this situation, especially about your child`s developement.
So, don`t hesitate, and get all the help you can.

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If he continues to deteriorate and you believe he is a risk to himself or others it may be possible to have him sectioned under the mental health act. This is of course only somethig to bear in mind if for example he's not eating or drinking or there are any other serious risks to his health or if he becomes violent etc. Being sectioned does not necessarily mean that he will be carted off to hospital for months. There are short sections that can take people in for assessment only.
For details you can visit various web sites e.g. MIND or just type 'mental health' into a browser.
P.S. if he's thorwing things around this is aggressive behaviour.
Good Luck
Cat

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mostly he has to help himself, he needs to see a doctor, try asking him to do one little thing for you each day, gradually increasing the time it takes to do the chore, helpfully this will begin to stimulate him to get out of bed for himself.

It's going to be a hard, long and a difficult struggle for him and yourself. Medical help will speed things along as they say.

Also you have to look after yourself and your child, your health cannot deteriorate. It's very difficult if both partners in a relationship suffer from depression and other mental problems.

Have you tried telephoning someone from your local mental health team to come to your home to visit, if you live in England, a CPN will do home visits if requested, not sure about the system in other countries.

Good luck, hope things become better for you.

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this sounds like a ''talk to a brick wall situation''
it hard when a partner has depression. if he wont talk to you then you need to find someone who he will talk to. i was exactly the same i locked myself away n yelled at my parents when they tried to talk to me and the only outlet for me was someone had the nerve to *** and chat to me. i found release in a close family friend who was totally confidential and i could say anythign to and she wouldnt tel anyone. and my doctor was a god send to me, she helped me through so much. you need to find someone he can realease some things onto - close family friend, family. i always felt though i didnt want my family so someone who isnt related might be the best idea. but if he is as bad as you say he is then i would consider talkig to a professional - he needs some supportive help but also some professional guidance coming from somewhere. this might sound had but this is his mental health.
i suggest you go and see you GP he/she will point you in the right direction make some phone calls for both you and your partner as to the best way forward.
Take care
xx

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The first thing is to get him to a doctor. And some medication if so bad he wants to stay in bed. if u live in the UK. he can app lie for sick pay for the dhss. . if he has been in his job for some time then he is entitled to sick pay.. look at his employment contract.. u can go on the sick or get benefit go . first port of call is your GP.. do it asap.. good luck

Cant seem to see anything good in myself?

I just cant seem to see anything good in myself i have low confidence and self esteem i feel like im failing everybody i cant seem to do anything right im my worse enemy i dont know i just hate myself sometimes

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Answers: I know what you mean honey, im the same way. But keep in mind, that you are the world to someone, whether that be a parent, siblings, lover or friend. . . without you, they would be lost. belive me.

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well dear..
it seems that you need a good friend who can share your feelings...and hear to you and advice you ....
you can be friends with me if you wish..
mummyo_zweichen@yah00.com

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How can you hate yourself when you know that you are a product of the universe. This is not flaky feelgood stuff its elemental.
You (and every other human) are composed of hydrocarbons, minerals, amino acids, proteins , fats, enzymes etc.. all blueprinted and planned by YOU at your conception.
YOU made the decision as a single cell to divide again and again to create your own life.
YOU MUST HAVE SEEN SOMETHING GOOD THEN OTHERWISE WHY DID YOU CARRY ON!?

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Many of us use self-talk to handle what is going on inside minds. When self-talk is not monitored cautiously it can lead to drastic effects not only on one’s personality but also affects its mentality and psychology. In literature we call it soliloquy. This also leads to low self-esteem. Low self-esteem can be traced retrospectively in the self-talk. A lot of things remain running in the reward system of the brain and it keeps reminding ourselves what we talk with ourselves. This is automatic system and there is no filtering of thoughts. Therefore we should be very aware what we are saying to ourselves.

Cant seem to open up?

Ive have problems opening up to everybody even my family and girlfriend i just cant seem to let my gaurd down and let anybody in.my girlfriend cries when i do it she thinks im hiding stuff from her i just cant seem to open up ive been like this all my life ive always just seem to keep all my problems and thoughts to myself i know sometimes they get fustrated talking to me becuase i wont tell them anything

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Answers: Maybe it could be a start for you if you write things down and let your girlfriend or family members read them. You opened up to us on this site by writing your thoughts.maybe you could do this for them? Might sound goofy but at least they could then know what you are thinking. Do you want them to know how you are feeling and thinking and what your problems are?? If so, maybe this could be your way?? Life could get even better if you share your problems and thought with others.they can give advice and help.. Haaaaaaa just like we are doing right now.

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well dear ....
i suggest that as you have expressed here comfortably that you have some problem.so only do express yourself to someone whom you dont know at all...that will ease your discomfort....and in course of time you will find it easy to express to people who love you and you love..
try it dear..all the best..:)

Anyone else had a stressful day today besides me?

What a day. I've been home for almost 2hrs now, yet I can't seem to relax at all.

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Answers: I get very stressed sometimes and the best way for me to calm down is go for a walk with my dog, stretch/yoga, hot epsoms salt bath, and writting down my thoughts. Sitting still and meditating helps when you are not ansy. Best wishes for you.

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yes very!!

I need someone to talk 2, urgently?

k, so i'm a teen, for a few years i've been wondering whether i'm gay, i download gay porn and i am slightly attracted to some of my mates. But I don't want to be gay, i'm not, its confusing to say and write, but its like a bit of me wants to be while the majority doesn't. I'm also attracted to girls, but i find it easier to, toss off when i'm thinking about men? any ideas, any one want to help me?

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Answers: http://www.samaritans.org//

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Lisa is right.

Sounds like you are bi. It is good that you recognize this, and trust me it is very normal. You may change your opinion and you may not. Try and do what feels right to you.

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Just cause you are attracted to men does not mean you are gay...Did you know attraction for the same sex is a curse because of Noah's sons...you should resist..nothing good can come from it...you know that.

Ever have the desire for something bad to happen to you, just so you could feel something?

My life is just dead. Im not happy, but am not OVERLY sad. I just feel the want sometimes for something really traumatic to happen to me, just so that i could feel. I know it isn't the right thing to think, but have you ever felt this way? Did it help, if something actually bad happens?

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Answers: There is something very satisfying about being mournful or sad about something. I'm a particulary happy individual but something sad happens, it's somehow good to know that I am able to feel that emotion. One of the greatest speeches ever was by Jim Valvano as his body was being eaten with cancer and in he said, "...To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you're going to have something special."

That says it all.

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Hey!! ya tell me about it!! i have been wanting something bad to happen to me for the past 9 months!! just get hit by a car...get a serious disease...anything! I had a fever for 4 days...but no..it didn't feel better..i'll tell u what..it sucked!
I don't believe u want it to happen to u so u can feel..it usually reflects that u want others to feel u! well, trust me, it doesn't get u anywhere! it si a sort of a run away from what u r feeling...and it only gets worse..next u will start thinkning about hurting urself..

don't let it get as far as i allowed it to get with me...nothing is worth it..how about in order to know that u could feel..try to find something happy or something that brings u joy..this is how u can now u feel :) and u'll discover u do have feelings...

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Don't entertain such negative thoughts. Appreciate the good things that happen to you. If it actually happens, you wouldn't know what effect it will leave on people who care for you.
Why would you say such things anyway? Life is to live, not to wish for harm.

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I have wanted something bad to happen to me for most of my life. Even as a child I used to wish I'd wake up in a hospital, and wrote stories about myself as a teen where I was responsible for the death of my entire family with lots of other bad things in it. Even as an adult I still seem to want bad things to happen, I cannot hear an ambulance whiz by without hoping it was me in the back.

These thoughts are worse at the moment, mainly because my depression is worse. I am on antidepressants and on the waiting list for therapy. When the thoughts are not there I feel lost, and empty and seem to want them back again. But when they are here I try to fight them, it is something to be constantly fighting again. I hope oneday I can get rid of the thoughts and not want them back, and just lead life like a normal person.

Personally I would avoid acting on your thoughts. Last time the staff in A&E classed me as lacking mantal capacity and said the police would bring me back if I left the hospital. I got close to being sectioned, the nurses thought I would be, but the doctor let me go home. However I am as much traumatised by this event, as I was happy that I managed to make myself ill.

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Heck no I have had enough bad things happen. Although at this point death would be fine as long as it was quick. So if I was you I would wish for good things to happen. Years of not so good luck is what has driven me to my thoughts.

What type of thinking disorder could this be?

After years of conflict and discomfort in this relationship, I have become glaringly aware that this person makes the assumption that others think like he does.
If he likes a food, he is sure you do and if you say you don't ... he thinks you are lying.
If there is an action that he would take to a certain situation, he is sure that others feel the same way.
If there is something that he finds to be of value... he thinks others value it also.. and again.. they must be lying if they say they do not value it.
What in the world ... I assume it's some sort of personality disorder... but what kind?

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Answers: He's probably egocentric in that he thinks he is always right and can do no wrong. He is having paranoid delusions when he thinks others are against him.

He should see a doctor about this.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paranoia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Egocentric

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i dont think this is a disorder is this u marice cuz sean calls u marcie lol

Is instigating an addiction?

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Answers: Since "to instigate" is to incite or arouse to action and we in the USA are in the midst of a "hot" political campaign for President in 2008 where many politicians are "arousing the populace to act" to vote for them I would say it is an addiction. If one feels weak and powerless to do something unaided they instigate others to take action to help them. It is a trait brought about by a general feeling of personal inadequacy. The news media does it all the time.

I wrote this to instigate you to vote my reply as best, HA!

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Question is too vague...
Instigating what?
who what when?

How do you get over a bad day?

I choked today at lunch. i couldn't breathe. i know that i am not the only one who had this problem. i am upset and stressed from life.

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Answers: go for a run

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humiliating? worser things happened to me. i read a book. by jude Deveraux. I was the girl when i dreamed that night.
the next day was great! i met my first love. And now he's cheating on me. we broke up. yesterday. and i also got rid of the one i was seeing online. Take care! :)

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I sit down and say "Today was a bad day. Tomorrow is different and it has nothing to do with what happened today." And then I entertain myself for the evening and go to bed knowing that when I wake up, I get to start again. If I am depressed, then I talk to someone. If I am overwhelmed, I make a list of what REALLY needs to done and do it in the order of things that are 'non-negotiables'. The other stuff is just fluff and if it is making me unhappy, I ignore it and move on. Good Luck (I never said this was easy!) :)

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I'm sorry you had a rough one. I would give prayers of thanks for removing whatever was choking you. Also, I would ask that God remove the stress that you're feeling. Believe me, tomorrow will be a better day. If I was there, I would give you a big hug. It will get better.

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Why would you let this stress you out for life? It was one incident and you are over it. Take a warm bath, relax and get a good nights sleep. Please, don't let this one incident ruin the rest of your life.

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well, a good day can start at anytime. the way i do it is to make a list of my blessings, things that i am grateful for, like my eyes, my hands, my feet. the roof over my head, the food in my stomach. i make that list at least once a day. it can be renewed anytime!

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This could be an anxiety problem or a panic attack and you are right you are not the only one who has this sort of problem.It is not something that you can just get over.But try not to feed into it with negative thoughts (i also know this is hard)Try learning some relaxation methods such as deep breathing etc feel free to email me about this subject

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- Think Outside The Box

Thinking outside the box is a cliché or catchphrase used to refer to looking at a problem from a new perspective without preconceptions, sometimes called a process of lateral thought.

Research more about lateral thinking, I think this will help you see things in a different perspective.

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I'm sure that was a very frightening experience. It's normal and okay to still be shaken up a bit from it.

I encourage you to count your blessings. You survived! Make a list of at least 10 positive things in your life, which can include people and pets. It can even include the fact you can see and hear. You'll feel better after making your list. (((Hugs.)))

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well today was my bad day too! i got my first F in science 8th grade...
i just get over it by thinking, ppl have it way worst than me right now, i just move along, listen to some good songs and say well bad things happen but it istn the end of my world...at least i didnt lose my family, friends or nothing. i jsut gotta work harder

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think about it like this the first few days you are going to be thinking about alot but i want to tell you to challenge the thoughts self-talk lie for example your probably think oh my god i felt so stupid choking why did i eat that people are going to think things about me and --- but you can challenge those thoughts with postive self talk ok i choked and thank god i m ok next time ill try to be more carefull i know am going to think about it alot but in a few days ill get over it and llok back and say why was i ruminating about this silly thing you begin to train your mind to more positive self talk

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i have a w*nk and then you know what i do? i have another w*nk, then i have a smoke, then i eat some cereal and watch tv then have another w*nk then i have a p*ss and a sh*t and another smoke then yet another w*nk then i go to bed and wake up with friction burn on my c*ck. (had to put the *s in there otherwise it wouldn't let me put it up.)

Teen and depression?

My daughter was on Zolof for depression. To me she seems fine on it. The docotor changed her to Effexor.
I found nyquill and benadrill in her room.She like the feeling of
being sleepy. I think the drepression medication keeps her awake and she wants something to help her sleep Doctor also gave her add medication I dont think she needs she gets good grades and has never been add. Her depression is not even that bad she just used to cry at times for no reason or because we would not let her date.when she was 14. She is now almost 17 and has a steady boyfriend. Im worried about her mixing over the counter medication and her depression medication plus she smokes and takes birth control. When I found the Nyquill I took away the ADD medication it was only a trial. Do teens really need medication or is it just a teen thing I was depressed as a teen and never took medication.

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Answers: I think it is wonderful that you are keeping such a close eye on your daughter. I wish my mother would have watched my actions that closely. I began taking anti-depresants at 16. I too liked the feeling of being "tired". I drank Nyquill and took tons of benadryl and tylenol pm. As I look back on this, it was only the beginning of a downward spiral. I started drinking a lot of beer...and eventually once I got pain medication for childbirth I became heavily addicted to that. I am by no means saying that this will happen to your daughter.I just think you are doing the right thing to be concerned. There are some medications, like Trazadone that are prescribed for insomnia. This medication is not addictive. Also, I was on prozac for about 15 years. This medication is very similar to zoloft. They are in the same family. About a year ago, I switched to Cymbalta(a newer anti-depresant) after I went to rehab. This medication helps you sleep very well without making you "tired". I would recommend asking her physician if this might be something she should try.
As for the add medication.take it away..especially if this is something she has never been diagnosed with. If the medication is Adderol, she is taking an amphetamine"like speek". This would cause insomnia. It also may cause euphoria which one may like. It is also known to be abused because it causes weight loss(like any upper). People actually crush this medication up and snort it.
I am 33 years old and have not drank, taken pain medication, or sleep aids for a year and a half. I hope this some of what I said may help you and your daughter. Like I said, you are doing the most important thing already...Noticing there might be an issue.

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"Just a teen thing" suggests that its a silly phase that some people go through, as though for attention. It is possible for teenagers to suffer from depression! In some cases, teenagers who have mild depression are diagnosed medication when perhaps it isn't really necessary. However, medication is vital for those who are suffering from severe depression. Depression can be caused by many factors, including chemical imbalances in the brain or family troubles.

I think you should go with your daughter back to the doctor and explain your concerns. It seems she perhaps doesn't need the ADD medication, however it is possible that she should be 'weened' off it, rather than just immediately stopping it - so check. Your doctor will let you know what is safe to take with the anti-depressants.

Note: YOU should not decide when to take your daughter off medication, nor should you decide which medication to take her off. You must talk to your doctor.

HOw can you build your self-confidence?

When it has been destroyed

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Answers: YOUR NOT DESTROYED SWEETIE YOUR WONDERFUL!!GET OUT AND SEE THINGS, PEOPLE! HAVE A GREAT DAY!

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There are a lot of people who use self-talk to handle what is going on inside their minds. When self-talk is not monitored cautiously it can lead to drastic effects not only on one’s personality but also affects its mentality and psychology. Self-talk is a type of conversation which we conduct with ourselves. In literature we call it soliloquy. Brain’s reticular activating system never forgets what we repeat again and again. Ironically this system can not recognize what is beneficial to the individual and what is not. Think you can, think you can't; either way, you'll be right- a saying goes like this. Therefore when ever we ‘talk’ with ourselves, we should be cautious, very cautious in fact. There are a lot of audio programs which can help and there are a lot of online books. If I recall there is a book ‘self-talk solutions’ which is every effective in this scenario.

Could this be depression?

Everything seemed fine in my life before a month or so ago. I am engaged to be married in a couple of years from now with a beautiful and loving girl. I started to get this unwanted images and thoughts in my head about all sorts of ****, including violence, unwanted sexual images, and a whole bunch of anxiety. Well what is really bugging me lately is that nowadays when I tell my fiance that I love her, i have this feeling of guilt, even sometimes when I touch her. But when I think of losing her or her being gone for along time, I get this feeling of anxiety and pain, like I know I would miss her alot. I have been seeing a phycologist and am seeing a phyciatrist next week, but with all of these thoughts I've never had before, could it be the depression messing with my mind? Because before I was diagnosed with it, I've never questioned my love for my fiance or our future. I guess I'm just so confused, sometimes everything seems great then I go back to a sad, confusing, unsure state.

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Answers: I have the anxiety too. I am dating my gf for 5 years. The more I think about it, the more I cannot sleep. when she asked me if I love her, I always say yes. but I know I don't love her as much as she loves me. sometimes I keep thinking of the reason that I am with her is because she loves me and my parents like her. I got a new job two months ago, my gf and I will be long distance for 2-3 years. So, I just don't think about it. Thinking more doesn't help, why torture myself?

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Hmm, doesn't sound like depression to me.

It sounds like an anxiety disorder, if you want a diagnosis. Sounds like stress messing with your mind too. Could be a mood-disorder (there are many and have various degrees, mild-extreme).

Another thing it sounds like to me is self-esteem issue. You get terrible thoughts when you think about not beeing with your girl, guilt about touching her (like as if you shouldn't be close to somebody who loves you because you've done something wrong, which isn't true in reality and you haven't done anything wrong). Everyone deserves to be loved and you're no exception. She loves you and you should think about explaining gently to her that sometimes your thoughts roller-coaster and you don't know what to do with them. She's going to be your wife, and you two should be in on this together, helping each other have a good life-together.

Maybe you're just getting some heavy-duty cold feet. Buy some warm socks, take a deep breath, and have a good night's sleep.